A Flirt a Brute and a Baby
by DollopheadedMerlin
Summary: Merlin gets paranoid that Arthur and Gwen are keeping something from him, and Gwaine isn't helping with his pestering questions about how long lasting relationships work. [Sequel to A King a Queen and a Warlock and A Spirit a Lady and a Lake]


Merlin was beginning to think that his life was unreasonably unfair as he marched up to Arthur's chambers. After a long day of slaving after his king, helping Gaius with a potion that involved especially rare ingredients, and exhausting himself with his own magical studies, Gwaine had asked to meet him and Gwen at the pub. Initially, he had declined, but Gwaine insisted that it was to discuss something urgent. Thus, he found himself approaching the royal chambers, too exhausted to think about knocking first.

It was just his luck that, when he opened the door, he was met with a stark naked queen and a king in an alarmingly suggestive position. Frozen with shock, Merlin tried to look away, tried to shut the door, but only ended up stuttering and sputtering as he practically fell out of the room. Arthur leapt up off the bed and scrambled for his trousers as Gwen squealed and hid under the covers, calling for her husband to toss her her night gown.

Meanwhile, Merlin sat outside the room, back to the wall with his knees brought up to his chest. He tried not to think about what he had seen or what his lovers were doing, but he couldn't get the image out of his mind. It plagued him and made him shiver, thinking about how wrong he would feel if he were included in such situations. He felt guilty being in love with someone who obviously wanted that type of interaction and being unwilling—no, _unable—_ to provide it.

Gwen swung out of the room in a simple dress, still barefooted and breathing heavily. She looked down the hall, not spotting Merlin on the floor at first. "Oh, Merlin!" she cried, finally finding him and squatting down beside him.

"I'm sorry," Merlin blubblered. "I didn't—didn't meant to barge in! I forgot to knock! I didn't want t-to—Oh! I wasn't thinking! I shouldn't—"

"Merlin," Gwen sighed, sitting down fully. " _I'm_ sorry you had to walk in on us. We should have remembered to lock the door."

Merlin attempted to smile. Then Arthur came through the door, still fastening his belt.

"Merlin! I didn't—I mean . . . I thought you were meant to be studying for the remainder of the day."

Merlin blushed, blaming himself for the entire incident. "I was. I shouldn't have changed my plans! I should have just told Gwaine another time!"

"Merlin," Arthur grumbled.

"What?"

"Shut up."

Again, Merlin blushed.

"What was that about Gwaine?" Gwen questioned, trying to change the subject to make Merlin more comfortable.

"No—Nothing! It was nothing, really. I should just—" Merlin was just about to collect himself off the floor when Gwen interrupted him.

"Merlin," she breathed, smiling.

Flustered, Merlin explained. "Gwaine wanted to meet us in the tavern to talk about, er . . . something."

Gwen offered him a kind smile. "We'd gladly come with you, Merlin. You know that."

Arthur cleared his throat. "I'll, um, go get some socks."

"Actually," Merlin countered, "he said that it should just be Gwen and me."

Merlin could not believe how drained he felt as he walked with Gwen down to the tavern. It seemed as though too many things were happening in one day, as if there were not enough hours for everything to have actually transpired. Looking up at the sky, he groaned. It was only just getting dark and he already felt as though the day had been three times as long as it had ought to be.

Gwaine was waiting for them in the back of the room, having claimed a table in the far corner. They sat with him and he ordered them each a drink, strangely seeming rather nervous, which Merlin was not very thankful for at all.

"What's this all about Gwaine?"

"I wanted to ask each of you something."

"Well that much was implied," Merlin muttered, mirroring Gwaine in the way that he fidgeted in his seat.

Gwaine gave Merlin an affronted look. "I was wondering if you two could give me some advice on a . . . _situation_ that I have found myself in."

Merlin raised an eyebrow. Gwen elbowed him in the side as a barmaid dropped off their drinks.

"What kind of situation, Sir Gwaine?" Gwen questioned, trying to ignore Merlin's skepticism.

"Well," Gwaine continued, coughing awkwardly, "I seem to have fallen for someone."

"Oh?" Gwen encouraged.

Merlin didn't like at all how this was going.

"So, I was wondering . . . if you could help me . . . or, uh, teach me how to . . . um . . . woo a man."

Gwen's eyes went wide and Merlin nearly choked on his drink. It's not that it was a shock to have someone else in Camelot be interested in someone of the same gender. It was simply unexpected due to Gwaine's apparent need to flirt with every woman he saw.

"You-you-you want our _help_ with that?" Merlin questioned, now unable to suppress his nervous shaking.

"Gwaine," Gwen added, attempting to be polite, "I'm not so sure we . . ."

"You two are the only ones I know who could help me with this," Gwaine explained. "Merlin! You love Arthur! You could tell me about the romance and the things he falls for! Gwen! Well, Gwen . . . you have more experience than I would with men in bed."

"Gwaine!" Gwen screeched, looking around in alarm, hoping that no one had overheard their conversation.

Merlin went pale. He shrunk in on himself. Looking at the tankard on the table, he thought he might just have to indulge in drinking for once.

The knight laughed. "Sorry, sorry," he said. "It's just . . . I didn't know who else to talk to about this, and I wasn't going to ask _Arthur._ For him to have blackmail on me is the last thing I want! Merlin, you've seen the bets we make on hunts!"

Merlin took a sip of his mead, not wanting to address the situation.

"So, how about it, mate?" Gwaine persisted, leaning towards his flustered friend. "How is it that you woo our king?"

Merlin made an uncomfortable sound that bounced around in his cup. "I-I don't—Arthur does most of the _wooing—_ I mean! I don't think that's exactly how we—"

"Aw, c'mon," Gwaine urged. "You must have some tricks up your sleeve!"

"Gwaine," Gwen pleaded, wary of how uncomfortable Merlin was with the topic.

"It's just the same, your _majesty,"_ Gwaine cooed. "Merlin and I have both fallen hard for a man! What's the small difference of _sex_ have to do with it?"

Merlin, wide eyed, finished off his mead and took to drinking Gwen's.

By the time Gwen and Merlin had escaped Gwaine's clutches, the moon was lighting their way home and the queen was supporting most of the weight of her rather intoxicated friend.

"Gwaine needs t' make up 'is mind," Merlin mumbled as he nearly tripped over a protruding stone.

Gwen laughed lightly.

"Normally he's skippin' from one fair lady t' the nex', buh now he's all hung up on _Percival_ of all people . . ."

"Trust me, Merlin," Gwen replied, "I'm just as surprised as you are. It seems he's really turned around, though. Way back when, he'd even took his chances with me, but now . . . I don't know. He seems to have really attached himself to Percival."

Merlin shivered. "Not yet," he stammered. "He tol' us enough about 'is aspir-aspira— _dreams_ of bein' with Perciva' to know tha' he 'asn't actually gotten anywhere with 'im yet."

" _Merlin,"_ Gwen scolded, sounding suspiciously like her husband, "Gwaine just wanted our help." She giggled suddenly. "Really, he's probably too smitten to have thought about how you would have reacted to the situation."

Merlin hummed in indifference, eyes drooping towards sleep.

" _What happened?"_

Gwen sighed, lowering Merlin gently onto the bed, half conscious. "Gwaine had the mind to talk about a rather sensitive subject. After the incident earlier today, I'm sure Merlin simply wanted to escape the conversation."

"Damnit Gwaine," Arthur muttered, helping Gwen to situate Merlin on the bed.

"He just wanted our advice, Arthur," the queen defended. "He thought Merlin and I would know how to help."

"With what?"

"Um . . ."

Arthur raised an eyebrow.

Gwen smiled apologetically. "He said he didn't want you to know, not yet."

Offering her a skeptical look, Arthur shrugged. "Fine," he said, "but if Merlin manages to drown in his own vomit tonight, it'll be his fault."

"I don't get it, Gaius," Merlin complained back in the old man's chambers. "They're acting like animals in spring time! Everytime I turn around they've been . . . you know . . ."

Gaius chuckled. "Yes, Merlin. I'm very much aware."

Merlin's eyes bugged out. "What? How would you—? You know what! I don't want to know the answer to that!" Shaking his head and trying to block out all of the thoughts that made him cringe, he left, leaving an incredibly amused Gaius in his wake.

Merlin took to his tower for a few days, craving some much needed solitude. If he didn't know his lovers so well, he'd have thought they'd been enchanted with some sort of lust spell, what with the way they were always finding _alone time,_ as Merlin called it.

After the first day, he began to feel refreshed, spending his time studying magic and attempting to develop his own original spells. One day, however, as the sun was rising, there was a knock at his door and he opened it to find Gwaine, smiling mischievously.

"Hey mate."

"Gwaine," Merlin greeted, nodding hello.

"I was wondering if you and I could talk."

Merlin let him into the room reluctantly. "I suppose we could, depending on what about."

"Well, if you don't mind," Gwaine elaborated, "I was going to ask about how you and the princess show each other affection."

"Affection?"

"Affection," Gwaine confirmed, plopping himself down in a spare chair and propping his legs up on the warlock's cluttered desk.

"Well," Merlin answered, somewhat embarrassed, "mostly kissing, as you know." He blushed. "Some . . . sometimes he leaves me flowers. He doesn't like that sort of thing, though. I try to make him gifts, mostly with magic. He likes leatherwear. You'd be surprised to know that he appreciates a good leather bracelet. I leave him notes occasionally . . ."

"What do the notes say?"

Blood rushed to Merlin's cheeks. "Silly things, I guess. I, um, don't really want to reveal _all that._ Besides, Gwaine," he said, trying to take on a serious tone, "Percival isn't Arthur. He likes different things than he does. You can't just go around treating everyone like locks! You're no master key!"

"But, Merlin," Gwaine said, and his sincerity irked the warlock, "this is not like before. This is not like the women I have smothered in flattery. With him, I just can't stop _feeling_ things, things stronger than anything I've ever felt before. I don't want to just win Percival over. It's not a game like it used to be. I don't love him like I have loved before. I'm _in love_ with him."

Merlin held his breath. Gwaine's eyes looked pained and confused. He was reaching out to Merlin because, for once, he didn't know what to do. Eventually, Merlin smiled. "Gwaine." He looked the knight in the eyes. "If you're serious about this . . . then . . . just get to know him. If it turns out that you really are in love, you can only hope that he is in love too."

Gwaine seemed to take this in, biting his lip in thought. Then, he smiled, lightly nudging Merlin in the arm. "Thanks, mate! You're the best thing that could happen to a man!"

"Where are you going?" Merlin called after him as Gwaine stood to leave.

"I'm going to ask Percy if he'd be up for a leisurely hunt! See if I can get a little closer to the brute!"

Merlin laughed as Gwaine disappeared down the stairs before returning to his work.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted, marching up the stairs of his warlock's tall,spindling tower. "Merlin!" He finally reached the peak and knocked mightily on the door. "Merlin! Let me in! It's important!"

There was a click and the door unlocked itself before swinging open. Arthur peered inside. "Merlin?" Looking around, he could see no sign of his loyal magician. "I came to ask if you would accompany Gwen and I on a picnic. We had something we wanted to talk to you about."

"I'm afraid that I am unable to attend, sire," came the familiar voice of his lover.

Startled, Arthur looked up to find Merlin, seemingly pinned to the ceiling.

"How on _Earth_ did you manage to get yourself stuck _up there?"_

"Well," Merlin explained sheepishly, "I was working on a formula for an aviation potion. You see, it's one thing to use a spell to fly, but it takes a lot of energy and leaves you exhausted and all that. So, I was hoping to invent a potion that would temporarily provide the ability of flight so that it would be more efficient and easier to control . . ."

Arthur raised his eyebrows. "And how's that working out for you, Merlin?"

Merlin sighed. "I _thought_ I'd had it! I've been working on it for a couple months now . . . Instead of giving the ability of flight, it just sent me _into_ flight, if that makes sense. Now I have _no_ control!"

"So you're stuck on the ceiling?"

"Yes."

"And how do you plan on getting down?"

"Well, it will either wear off or . . ."

"Please tell me you have an antidote."

"Well, not exactly. It wouldn't be too hard to make one though. Maybe if Gaius helped . . ."

"I have half the mind to tug you over to the window right now and watch you burn up in the sun!"

Despite knowing that it was an empty threat, Merlin's eyes went wide at the thought. "Please, just get Gaius! It should only last for a few hours, but . . ."

"But it also _should_ have given you the ability to fly. So, I suppose I better go get someone who actually knows what he's doing."

Arthur took his grand old time retrieving Gaius from his chambers. He even stopped to tell a knight the humorous story about their magical friend and how he had developed the rather extraordinary talent of floating like a soap bubble. He also took a detour to tell Gwen that they would have to cancel their plans and stay at home in the palace. When he finally did reach the physician's quarters, the old man simply sighed in exasperation and began to gather his medicinal supplies.

When Arthur at last brought Gaius to Merlin's tower, the sun had begun to set and they found the boy still trapped up in the cone ceiling, having actually drifted further up towards the peak of the spire.

"Finally," Merlin panted wearily. "What took you so long?"

Gaius raised a fatal eyebrow. "How long have you been up there?"

"Since _last night."_

The tired physician looked towards the king skeptically. Arthur avoided his eyes, only the slightest bit of guilt bubbling up inside of him.

"How long are you expecting it to last?"

"It was only meant to last a few hours . . ."

Gaius sighed. "Well, we'll see if you come down by tomorrow afternoon. If not," Gaius meandered over to Merlin's desk and sniffed at his empty potion bottle, "I think I should be able to prepare an antidote."

"Think?" Merlin questioned, sounding slightly panicked.

"Be calm, by boy," Gaius assured. "I'm sure we'll be able to figure this out one way or another. Now, do you think you could manage climbing down at all?"

There was a light knock at the door and Gwen poked her head in. "I heard about Merlin," she told Gaius. Her eyes wondered up to the frustrated figure on the sealing and she smiled pitifully. "I brought some dinner. I thought . . . well we had planned to eat together anyways."

Arthur looked ready to crack a rather insensitive joke so Gaius stepped forwards and said, "Thank you, Guinevere. I'm sure Merlin would be thankful for the company."

Gwen laid the food out on the table and made herself at home, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I will take this to my chambers and work on making an antidote. I will return in the morning. Hopefully you'll float back down by then regardless," Gaius said, cocking his eyebrow.

Merlin groaned in discomfort as his mentor left the room.

There was an awkward silence thereafter. Eventually, Arthur decided to fill it. "So, is it like you're being pinned to the ceiling, or is it more like the ceiling is the floor?"

"What?"

"What I mean is, do you feel like you're upside down right now? Isn't blood rushing to your head and all? Or has everything been reversed for you?"

Gwen muffled a laugh at the lame explanation.

"Oh," Merlin said dumbly. "I, uh, I don't know. It feels like the ceiling is the floor, I suppose, but I'm lighter than I should be. I can't stand on the rafters properly . . . I don't know . . ."

"Do you think if we poured some of that potion on your food, it would float up to you?"

"Arthur!" Gwen scolded.

Merlin blushed.

"What?" Arthur asked with a laugh.

"It's not funny. He's stuck up there. How would you feel?"

"Probably high and mighty," Merlin muttered irritability.

Arthur sighed and began to pick at the food absentmindedly, ignoring his wife's laughter. After a few moments, he eyed the steamy loaf in front of him and called up to his lover. "Want some bread?"

Merlin really wasn't sure he wanted to try and get the food up to him, but his stomach growled and he pitifully said, "Yes."

Smirking, Arthur took the loaf in hand and launched it into the air, whopping Merlin directly in the nose with it. The boy scrambled for the bread midair, desperately trying to catch it only for it to fumble out of his grasp and fall to the floor with a pathetic thud. Merlin cursed and bumped his head on one of the rafters. "Ow," he grimaced.

Arthur's laughter made Merlin's cheeks heat up again until Gwen gave him a pointed look, shutting him up. The queen then took up an apple and tossed it lightly up to Merlin so that he was able to catch it. A feeble "thank you" from the ceiling caused the king to snigger once more.

Unable to think of anything to talk about, what with how awkward and bizarre the situation was, they drifted into silence and eventually into sleep.

Arthur and Gwen started awake to the sound of a violent crash, both launching out of their sleeping positions in a panic. Spilled vials and jars were still clinking about when they spotted Merlin, face down on the floor.

"Ow . . ." he groaned as he lifted himself up.

"Merlin!" Gwen cried rushing over to help him onto his feet.

"Well it looks like we won't be needing that antidote after all!" Arthur jeered.

Merlin stood unsteadily in the center of the room, mumbling something incoherent. Gwen's brow wrinkled in concern as the boy tried to take a step only to stagger to the side, barely catching himself.

"Woah, Merlin," Arthur said, becoming serious. He came closer to help him balance. "You alright?"

"I feel heavy," Merlin answered, voice low and breathless. He blinked quickly as he tried to look around the room. "And dizzy."

Gwen pulled up a chair and Arthur eased him carefully into it. Merlin moaned and squeezed his eyes shut, pressing the heels of his hands into them. "The room is spinning."

"Here, drink something," Arthur said, holding out a jug of water.

"I'll go get Gaius," Gwen excused herself.

Merlin's hand was unsteady, so Arthur took the jug back and helped him to drink. He took a few eager gulps before stiffening and shoving the pitcher away. Arthur scrambled back as Merlin was sick on the floor, gagging up watery bile and groaning in pain.

Gaius found them like that; Arthur pacing behind the doubled over warlock with vomit at his feet. "What happened?"

"He just dropped back down on his stupid face!" Arthur said, slightly panicked.

Gwen, at Gaius's heel, bit her lip. "He tried to stand but he said that he was dizzy and—"

"I see," Gaius excused. He made his way over to his ward and pulled him back up into a sitting position. He checked Merlin's eyes, and felt for broken ribs, asking him a few questions and receiving slurred replies. "He doesn't seem to have a brain injury. I believe that the dizziness may have been caused by his sudden change in orientation. He could be disoriented for a while but it should wear off. Other than a few bruises, there were no lasting physical effects. He should be fine."

Arthur and Gwen exchanged wary looks as Gaius packed up his things. Merlin sat with his head in his hands, trying to stop the world from swimming around him.

"I have to prepare my rounds. Try to get some food into him when his nausea dissipates." With that, the physician fled the scene, leaving the king and queen in quite an awkward predicament.

Merlin had been poor company throughout the rest of the day. He couldn't really think straight so any intelligent conversation was close to impossible. In fact, he really didn't want to talk at all and, anytime he tried, his voice was thick and slurred and seemed to make him dizzy in and of itself. He mostly spent his time sitting with his head bowed and eyes closed as Gwen and Arthur engaged in hushed conversation.

"This is getting ridiculous, Arthur. We should just tell him."

"You know Merlin. If he finds out that we delayed this for so long, only to just casually bring it up over breakfast, he'll be . . . I—I don't know what he'll be!"

"He'll be _happy."_ Gwen assured, taking her husband's hands in her's.

"Maybe we should have another picnic . . . Oh, we should have just told him when he was up in the rafters!"

Gwen raised her eyebrow. "Honestly, he might have forgotten if we had." She looked to the hunched figure in the chair and bit her lip.

Arthur too looked over his shoulder at the boy. He sighed. "We should see if he'll eat."

"I agree."

"And I think I'll sleep alone tonight."

Gwen smiled sympathetically. "I agree."

In short, Merlin would not eat, would not even allow them to put him to bed, insisting that he'd rather stay in his chair. Reluctantly, the king and queen left, leaving Merlin to regain his senses on his own.

The door burst open in the wee hours of the morning, the sky still very dark and the city still very asleep. All except for the excitable knight that was barging into the shaman's room.

"Ah, Merlin!" Gwaine cheered. "You, _you_ are a _very_ smart man!"

Gwaine pulled up a chair across from Merlin, too distracted to notice his lack of response.

"I took Percival to accompany me on that hunt and it—well it was pretty tame if I'm honest, but it didn't even matter! I don't know if he felt it, but I sure did! We were learning things about each other without even speaking!"

Merlin blinked hard, trying to figure out why Gwaine's voice was so terribly loud and why he felt the need to tell him about this at an hour after midnight and why his breath smelt of ale and why that was worsening his headache.

When he eventually did figure it out, he was somewhat shocked. The outing with Percival had gone well and they had spent the night at the tavern afterwards. Merlin could imagine Gwaine singing drunkenly to bar tunes with Percival smiling and shaking his head. Perhaps Gwaine's fantasy with Percival wasn't as far fetched as he had originally thought.

"Did you know that he likes woodwork? He used to whittle and carve and all that. Used to be how he made his wages back when he was a vagabond. He once engraved a lord's seal and a whole load of intricate little designs into some posh nobleman's cane for more gold than you could imagine! He didn't have to worry about making ends meet for months!"

Merlin tried to listen as Gwaine rambled on about Percival building decks and carving stools but his voice kept getting lost somewhere between his ears and his brain. He couldn't help but smile, though. Gwaine really did seem happy.

"And the strangest part of it all is that _nothing happened!_ I didn't woo! He didn't swoon! But it was still amazing! We just talked and got more and more comfortable together! I don't know how you knew what to do, Merlin, but you're a genius for it!"

Trying to grin, but still too disoriented to manage much more than an uncomfortable looking grimace, Merlin nodded his thanks.

"I'm gonna keep this up, Merlin! I'm gonna ride your advice to the ends of the earth! Who would have thought that a prude such as yourself would be so wise in the workings of wooing! We should celebrate your brilliancy!"

Before Merlin could even begin to process the fact that he had been called a _prude,_ Gwaine caught him off guard and hoisted him onto his feet by the arm. The world suddenly blurred and spun around him and he promptly fell face first onto Gwaine's boots.

"Merlin! What—"

Merlin groaned and shakily got to his knees. "As much as I would _love_ to join you in the tavern, Gwaine, I think it'd be best if I just stayed here."

"What happened to you, mate?"

"I'm just a little ill. Nothing to worry about," he assured as he rubbed his sore nose. "Could you help me back into my chair, please?"

It helped that Gwaine was already rather drunk, confused, and flustered so that Merlin didn't have to worry much about his own embarrassment for needing help with something so benign as sitting. He honestly just wanted the knight to leave him in peace.

"Should I get you something?"

"No."

"Gaius?"

"No."

"Do you need anything?"

"Sleep."

"Did you wa—oh. _Oh."_

Merlin thought that perhaps all of this love and wooing business was affecting Gwaine drastically somehow as he sprung to his feet and leapt from the room. Not only was he cooing over Percival, but he was flustered around just about everyone else. It truly was strange.

But Merlin supposed that he could reflect on that when he was more adept to do so.

It wasn't until midday that Merlin began to feel somewhat normal again, if lightheaded. Arthur and Gwen came in for lunch. Family meals in his tower were becoming a bit of a habit for the trio.

Merlin wasn't sure if he liked it all that much.

Though the food and talk were good, he felt somewhat invaded with all of them in his second chambers. He was typically alone in those rooms and, though it had taken time to get used to the privileges of being the king's lover, it had become an escape for the warlock. Yes, people could come and go in and through his home he shared with Gaius and he did enjoy nights with Gwen and Arthur, but it was only recently that people had begun to seek his company whilst he was residing in his tower.

He suddenly thought about how there were slight alterations in his personality depending on which room he stayed in. When he was with Gwen and Arthur, he was essentially a husband, which was a bit strange to think about. Since they had still put off the decision as to whether or not Merlin would be wed, he had always just considered Arthur as his friend, just . . . romantically. Now that he reflected on that, it sounded rather silly, but he certainly preferred it to being dubbed a _prince_. When he was at home, with Gaius, he would often become nostalgic, joking with his mentor and helping him with chores. He felt safe in those small chambers, the scent of herbs and burnt out candles making him feel cozy. When he was out hunting, he was his usual irritating self, only with more help, more magic, and far more longing looks and small kisses shared with the king whilst the knights were occupied. He wasn't entirely settled into his tower just yet, but he felt more like a shaman than he ever did in Arthur's chambers. He was surrounded by a slowly growing collection of magical artifacts brought up from the vaults and gifted to him by traveling druids and, surprisingly, a couple of visiting lords. He had all the power and destiny of Emrys in the tower and yet could still be Merlin in his solitude.

He wondered when all of these different versions of himself would come together.

Then he wondered if he was only thinking about such abstract things because his head might not be quite in the right place yet.

Regardless, it was strange to have the king and queen in his tower. Yes, he shared his magic with them most willingly, but this was his place of study and experiment in which he dabbled in things that the royal couple could never begin to understand. Not even he could comprehend the vastness of his own powers, as unique as they were.

He tried not to think about that, actually.

But now it was bouncing around in his head and he could only just barely dodge it by actually listening to what Gwen and Arthur were talking about.

"Maybe he could get an assistant."

"No!" he jut in, only just realizing what exactly Gwen was speaking of. "I don't want an assistant. I'm fine on my own."

Arthur's eyebrows shot up. "like when you were bobbing on the ceiling and being sick all over the floor?"

" _Arthur."_

The king sighed, crossing his arms as he leaned back in his chair. Merlin noted that he was jiggling his leg and had been looking anywhere but at the warlock's face.

Gwen sighed. "We just thought that you might want some help, Merlin. You are the only real authority we have on magic. We'd hate to burden you."

"Gwen, most of the work I do is of my own accord. I'll be fine."

"As long as you stop working on that ridiculous flying potion," Arthur said bitterly.

"It wasn't ridiculous, Arthur. It just doesn't work yet," Merlin countered.

"What's your next try then? Sprouting wings?"

" _Arthur,"_ Gwen said again, giving her husband a pointed look.

Merlin bowed his head and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. Arthur still hadn't looked at him. He wondered what he could have done wrong because it surely wasn't the flying potion.

He looked up to find that Arthur and Gwen had been whispering to each other. They stopped when they saw him, Arthur averting his eyes and Gwen clearing her throat and smoothing out her skirts.

"Merlin, there's something we need to tell you."

Arthur was suddenly sitting very attentively in his seat, looking at Gwen as though she were mad.

And Merlin, he became incredibly anxious. He'd been ignoring it for a long time now, but he could tell that there was _something_ causing that gap between him and the pair. They were both being lovers in springtime and he was locking himself up in his tower trying to avoid Gwaine and induce oblivion. And here Gwen was about to confess, about to let loose whatever secret they'd been keeping.

And Arthur didn't seem to like that.

The door flew open and, before the queen could let out another word, Leon was inside, with a rather exasperated look on his face.

Gwaine had been picking flowers from the royal garden and the florists had all but dragged the man before the throne.

After being sentenced to several hours planting seeds, everyone was dismissed and, whilst Arthur and Gwen gave their apologies to the florists, Merlin made his escape.

As he left, he tried to focus on the tops of his feet as they passed through his vision as a pair of blurs and not on the way that Gwen and Arthur seemed to have been slowly ebbing away at their connections with Merlin.

Really there was nothing wrong with them needing their own time together but it had been _constant_ over the past month or so and Merlin truly felt like the void between them was less due to lust and more due to the royal couple slowly but surely severing all ties with him.

Oh gods, they were going to leave him. They were setting him up for a slow and gentle rejection. They had planned a _picnic_ for goodness sakes.

Merlin suddenly couldn't remember the last time he and Arthur had shared a kiss. Oh, had it been so long? We're they really drifting apart so plainly and Merlin simply refused to see it?

He found himself in Gaius's chambers, the old man sitting up at his desk upon his arrival. "Merlin, what brings you here?"

Merlin blanched and looked to the window. It was early but the sky had begun to dim in color. "I think I'll be sleeping in my old rooms tonight."

"Oh? I was under the impression that you were moving fully into your tower."

Merlin shook his head. "No, you will always be home to me Gaius." He smiled genuinely at his mentor. The warm chambers and nose tickling scents calming him slightly.

The physician huffed out a curious laugh and Merlin tried to let his smile sooth his aching heart.

It didn't work. He fell asleep with dry eyes and a sick feeling of congestion in his chest.

He woke up to the sound of voices in the main chamber. He tried to listen to them, but it sounded garbled and angry. He pried his eyes open and his lashes stuck together with crust. He rubbed at them, slowly coaxing himself into getting up.

"He just ran off yesterday," Gwen's voice filtered in. "We didn't even get a chance to tell him."

"I think the git's paranoid." Arthur sounded frustrated.

"Sire, I think that he may just be tired. You both know that you've been acting strangely, at least towards him. I wouldn't blame him if he was worried."

"We should have just let him know the moment we found out."

"I thought you wanted it to be a surprise!" Arthur argued.

"It would be a surprise no matter how we broke the news!"

"This isn't helping him," Gaius intervened. "And the fact that he doesn't know is doing none of you any good."

There was a creak and all heads turned towards the slender figure in the back doorway. He looked dreadful. There were dark circles under his eyes and his skinny legs were trembling slightly.

"Merlin—"

"I need to know what's going on." Merlin was surprised by the thickness of his own voice and the tears that suddenly made his vision warped. He supposed that all of this uncertainty was affecting him more terribly than he had initially thought.

"Oh, Merlin," Gwen sighed, eyes bright as she crossed the room to hug him.

He didn't fully hug her back, looking between the king and the queen and wondering how this was all going to happen.

Arthur felt trapped beneath his gaze. He looked away.

"Please," Merlin pled, "just tell me."

The hurt in his voice caught Arthur's attention and he looked curiously into his friend's eyes. He was shocked to find a hint of betrayal in his gaze. "Gods, Merlin. What has you so worked up over this?"

The tears were swelling and making his eyes swim. Arthur's sharp tone stung and he found himself very upset with the royal couple. He pulled away from Gwen. "What do you mean? You two have been avoiding me all month!"

"Avoiding you? We were—"

"Oh for goodness sake, just tell him, Arthur!" Gwen cried, seeing that Merlin's cheeks were now wet and red.

Gwen had sounded frantic but also excited, which did nothing to put Merlin's nerves at ease. He was so confused and alone and he _needed_ to know what they had been hiding from him, only he wasn't sure he wanted to.

The king sighed and stepped forwards, taking Merlin's hands in his. "Merlin . . . it's Guinevere . . ."

Merlin's brow furrowed and more tears streamed down his face as his eyes flickered to his queen.

"She's pregnant."

Merlin suddenly felt very numb, staring dumbfoundedly back at his lover. He looked to Gwen, then down at her belly, which was not yet showing, then to Gaius, who was smiling smugly.

A nervous laugh bubbled out of Merlin and he began to weep. He buried his head into Arthur's chest and the king held him as he sobbed. "I thought you were going to leave me."

" _What?"_

Arthur pulled Merlin away and stared at him in bewilderment.

With hiccuping breaths, Merlin explained. "You two were spending so—so much time together and—and we hadn't had time in so long and you kept a-avoiding me and were hiding something you needed to tell me and I—"

Arthur wiped the tears from Merlin's eyes with his thumbs and tugged him back into a hug, kissing his hairline. "Gods, no, Merlin."

Gwen began to cry as well as she added, "We just wanted to surprise you."

Merlin looked up. "And it's true. You . . . You're . . ." He stepped away from Arthur to eye the queen up and down.

Gwen laughed. "Yes!"

Merlin all but giggled through his tears. "You two . . . You're going to have a child!" He looked to Arthur. "You're going to be a father!"

Arthur nodded. "You too, Merlin."

"What?"

"You're a part of this family," Gwen explained. "It will be your child too."

Merlin went numb again and his face tingled as the tears slowed down. "I'm . . . _I'm_ gonna be a . . ."

Arthur, Gwen, and Gaius jumped as all of the candles in the room sparked and a few books leapt off the shelf. A breathy laugh escaped Merlin and he ran a shaking hand down his face.

"We're all going to parent a child."

"Merlin," Arthur warned, "calm down."

Merlin laughed again and a few vials shattered as his eyes rolled to the back of his head.

He had fainted.

Word spread rather quickly that the queen was pregnant. Unfortunately, the royal couple could neither confirm nor deny these rumors for they were busy entertaining an outrageously exasperated Merlin.

He was honestly having trouble saying anything coherent, instead intermittently barely articulating thoughts and bursting into teary laughter. Pops and sparks were going off in Gaius's chambers and the old physician was rushing to and fro trying to protect his more fragile and valuable possessions.

"Merlin," Gwen pled, "You need to calm down!"

Arthur jumped as the candle over his shoulder sparked to life, crackling loudly in his ear.

Merlin's eyes went wide and he ended whatever stream of rambling he was currently on and pointed at Gaius across the room. "And you—you _knew!_ Ha! There—there's gonna be a—a— _oh!_ And the pic-pic-picnic! You were t-try-t-trying to—Ah!" He broke off into a fit of laughter before doubling over himself, new tears suddenly streaming down his face. "There's gonna be a bu-baby . . ."

"Oh geese," Arthur said, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes in frustration.

"I've never seen his magic so in sync with his emotions before," Gaius commented as he approached the trio. "Then again, I don't think he's ever been this happy."

"I'm not entirely sure _what_ emotion this is," Arthur mused as he watched Merlin put his head in his hands and sob.

"Well, we'd better figure something out before he wrecks my rooms and then some," Gaius muttered as he meandered his way over to his potions cabinet and started sifting through the various jars and vials.

"What are you doing?" Gwen questioned.

Gaius held up a sloppy looking concoction and swished it around in its container. "This should calm him down for a few hours."

Gwen and Arthur stepped back as Gaius approached the warlock with the uncorked bottle. He tapped Merlin on the shoulder, causing him to look up with blinking, reddened eyes. Then, he pinched his nose, drawing a choked off snortle out of the boy as his mentor tilted his head back and emptied the bottle's contents into his gaping mouth.

He sputtered out a cough and rubbed at his nose when Gaius let go of it. He sobbed again. Then he laughed. Then his bed frame splintered as his eyes shined gold. Slowly, he ran out of energy and closed his eyes, slumping over right where he was, still sitting at the edge of his bed.

"For all our sakes," Gaius mumbled, "I hope he is calmer when he next wakes."

Arthur and Gwen nodded in agreement.

Merlin awoke the next day just after noon. He was groggy and dehydrated and really just wanted to dunk his head in a basin of cold water. Perhaps that was why Arthur and Gwen found him up to his nose in a large bath, watching the water ripple each time he breathed out his nostrils.

Gwen sighed, "Merlin . . ."

He looked up, eyes going wide. He quickly drew his knees up to his chest, closing in on himself. "Oh, uh, um . . ." He leaned forwards, trying to hide his body from view.

"Perhaps we should come back when you're dresses," Arthur offered.

"No, no," Merlin said, reaching clumsily for the changing screen that was just out of reach, causing water to slosh over the sides of the tub. "It's fine." He pulled the screen across the floor, the bottom of it scraping against the wood and knocking over a nearby stool. "Just give me a second."

The royal couple heard their lover sigh as he climbed out of the tub. Pale arms frequently stretched out from behind the screen, grasping for towels and reaching for the clothes that were strewn across the floor.

"We were thinking we should talk about things," Gwen said. The room was quiet and empty and everyone was painfully aware of the way that Merlin was trying to make as little noise as possible whilst getting dressed.

"Oh, oh. Er . . . sure, just give me a second."

Merlin steps out from behind the screen, almost pushing it over, hair still stuck up with water.

Arthur have him an incredulous look. "Still need a second?"

Merlin smiled nervously. "No, no. I'm good," he said, but his face was flushed and his eyes were tired.

"How about that picnic?" Gwen offered. "We'll do things right and proper! We'll get blankets and candles and a big feast out in the woods! I know I could go for some raw corn and some onions . . . Oh! And maybe some roasted pheasant with marmalade!"

Arthur made a disgusted face but Merlin didn't even notice. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet with anticipation. "I can go find a big basket from the storage closet and—and—ah!" He moved quickly to one of Gaius's cupboards. "We've got candles here!"

Arthur stepped forth and put a hand on his wife's shoulder. "I'll handle the food."

"I'll gather some blankets!" Gwen cheered.

Arthur paused on his way out the door. "Merlin, meet me outside the kitchen with the basket!"

The boy spun around with an armful of candles and a grin on his face. "Of course, sire."

With that, Merlin and Gwen hurried out after Arthur to gather supplies, running and laughing and heaving big breaths. When Gwen stopped by her chambers to gather sheets, Merlin carried on to the closet, eagerly throwing the door open and—

. . . and dropping all of the candles onto the floor as he fell back on his butt with a yelp.

Curses rang out from within the closet and a stunned Merlin stared back at two very naked knights, scrambling for their clothes.

When Merlin snapped back to his senses, he quickly kicked the door shut with his leg and scooted back against the opposite wall. His head in his hands, he muttered, "Why me?" and shook his head.

"Sorry about that, mate," Gwaine said as he shimmied out the door, still trying to tug his pants on. "You gave us quite a fright."

Merlin looked up in woe, a smile creeping onto his face despite himself. "Was that—was—was that _Percival_ with you in there?"

Gwaine showed off a big, toothy smile as Percival himself slowly emerged from the storage space. He nodded awkwardly to the man on the floor and then scanned the halls for any other bystanders who may have witnessed their moment of intimacy.

Fortunately for lovers and unfortunately for Merlin, he was the only one who saw.

Gwaine winked and leaned down to help Merlin up off his bum. "Now! Don't look so nervous, Merlin!" He lightly smacked Merlin's red cheeks a few times before holding his face between them. It only made the boy blush harder. He didn't want to think about where those hands had been . . . "We were just having a little fun!"

Merlin laughed nervously, happy for his friends but oh so unhappy for himself.

"What can we do you for at this fine establishment?" Gwaine asked, motioning to the closet door.

"A—uh—uh—a basket."

"Percival! The lad needs a basket!"

Percival smiled and shook his head before reaching back into the closet and retrieving a large, wicker picnic basket. He handed it to Merlin with a pat on the shoulder and an apologetic smile.

"Thanks . . . Thanks Percival," Merlin managed to say, nodding along with his jitters as he picked the candles up off the floor. "I'll, uh, I'll leave you two to it . . . then . . . Uh, thanks."

With that, Merlin turned and left, trying to ignore the excited whispering and eager footsteps that he left in his wake.

When he showed up at the kitchens looking like he'd seen a ghost, Gwen and Arthur were instantly worried.

"Merlin?"

"Did something happen?"

"What took so long?"

Merlin gulped and let out a shaky laugh. "Oh, this little picnic getaway better be good because I have a feeling that things are going to get far more hectic in the weeks to come . . . And I really want to forget what I just saw Gwaine and Percival doing in the closet."

Gwen let out a little laugh before kissing Merlin on the cheek, beginning to say quiet words of comfort.

On the other hand, Arthur's eye's went wide with surprise and he found himself at a loss for words. Gwen couldn't hide her amused smile as she watch the king gape like a fish.

Merlin shook his head and began to make his way into the kitchen to load the basket.

"Wait—wha—when did _that_ happen?" Arthur questioned aloud, looking after Merlin for answers.

"Arthur," Merlin sighed, pausing in the archway, "I have had a very . . . interesting month. I'll tell you all about once we find some peace and quiet."

Arthur threw his arm over Gwen's shoulder. "Oh, Merlin. You and I both know that those are two things we'll never get to have."

Gwen smiled. "Especially now," she added, patting her belly, despite the fact that it still had barely any sign of having a baby inside.

Merlin's eyes went glossy at the thought but he smiled at the two of them. "No," he said. "I don't think we'll be getting any peace and quiet for a _long_ time."


End file.
